B U R E A U   O F   P U B L I C   S E C R E T S

VOID CARDS

Collect them all!  Trade them with your friends!  It’ll give you something to do!

1. JOHNNY B. GOODE
Volunteer, Peace Corps
Born: 6/12/46  Ht: 6'  Wt: 150

Johnny has always tried to do right by his team, no matter what team he was on. After completing four years with the Berkeley High JV’s (where Coach Jack Hustler called him “a real good boy”), Johnny put in four yeoman-like years studying business at San Francisco State. Plagued by guilt and by the feeling that (in his words) “There was nothing else to do,” Johnny joined the Corps. He has served well in Mexico and Guatemala; when his two years are up he plans to join the P.C. staff in its Northeast Brazil office. He is treasured by his superiors: in the words of Corps director Jack Valenti, “Johnny’s a real good boy.”

 

2. NORMA LEXISTENCE
Student, UC Berkeley
Born: 6/12/42  Ht: 5'6"  Wt: 135

Norma has just completed a brilliant career in the schools of Berkeley, working her way from kindergarten through a PhD in twenty-three years. When informed that she had succeeded in achieving her doctorate, Norma said, “Oh, can I go now?”
     Norma has decided to get out of school, desiring to test herself in the real world after so many years of preparation. “I’m tired of the student life,” says Norma. “Next year I plan to start teaching.”

 

3. “TOM” BANALE
Checker, Lucky Store
Born: 6/12/32  Ht: 5'10"  Wt: 160

“Tom” is noted for his cheerfulness. He always has a cheerful “Hullohowyadoin” for everyone who comes into the store, and an equally cheerful “Thankyouseeyagin” for everyone who leaves.
     Starting his career with Bi-Rite as a bagger, he quickly moved up to checker. After fourteen years with Bi-Rite, Lucky Stores bought the franchise. “Tom” made the move into the larger organization with ease. As “Tom” says, “It’s all the same to me.”

 

4. JOHN DOUGH
Salesman, Mason-McDuffie
Born: 6/12/29  Ht: average  Wt: medium

John is known for his versatility. He is equally comfortable as a businessman, a father, or a car buyer; equally happy during work and leisure hours.
     John is into real estate: He sells people land and shelter. “If you can’t own your own house,” John says, “what can you own?”
     John made $350,000 for Mason-McDuffie Realtors last year. He wound up with $27,500, which went to make payments on his house, his car, his boat, his insurance, his children’s education, doctor bills, food, vacation, pets, and a few odds and ends. “Life’s a lot of fun,” says John.

 

5. MRS. JOHN (WILMA) DOUGH
Housewife-Mother-Cook-Housekeeper-Shopper, Dough Family
Born: 6/12/31  Ht: 5'6"  Wt: 120

Eva Braun once said, “Behind every great man stands a woman.” Wilma Dough is such a woman. Taking care of John Dough’s “private” life, she deserves a great deal of the credit for what John has accomplished in the business world.
     Of all her roles, Wilma likes shopping the best. “Anything to get out of the house,” says Wilma. She developed a close identification with Safeway through twelve years of shopping there. But she had to switch to Lucky when Safeway burned down. “To my surprise,” says Wilma, “I hardly noticed the difference.”

 

6. ROCKY RHODAPPLE
Sparechange Artist, Telegraph Avenue
Born 6/12/48  Ht: 5'9"  Wt: 105

Rocky is a sparechange artist, drifter, and liver of the alternative lifestyle. He operates off “The Avenue,” where he spends 14-16 hours a day.
     Rocky is noted for his panhandling techniques, which combine subtlety with daring. He describes one of his “hits” in his own words:
     “I was sittin there, y’know, in front of the Mustard Seed, y’know, fucked up on reds, an this cat comes by, y’know, an I says, ‘Got any spare change man?’ an he says ‘Lemme see.’ So he digs into his pocket, y’know, an pulls out three cents, an he gives me the three cents. An I says ‘Thanks man have a good day.’ ”

 

7. STEW ALBERT
Politician, Berkeley
Born: 6/12/40  Ht: 5'10"  Wt: 190

Stew is one of the up-and-coming stars on the Berkeley scene. He made his move early in the 1970 season by running for sheriff of Alameda County on the Smashthestate ticket.
     Stew’s strategy has been to study the films of old games and then repeat the moves which brought others success, following Marx’s dictum that all facts and personages occur twice in history: the first time as tragedy, the second time as farce.
     Following the lead of Jerry Rubin’s 1965 mayoral campaign, Stew made a solid showing against Frank Madigan. He lost, but, in Stew’s words, “It was a great victory for the people.”

 

8. HARVEY KRISHNA
Krishnafreak, Telegraph Avenue
Born: 6/12/48  Ht: 5'7"  Wt: 135

Harvey was brought up in a strict Catholic home. “They made me repeat meaningless catechisms over and over. They made me go to church. It was awful.”
     Harvey soon learned to despise religion and the society which spawned it. “Religion,” said Harvey, “is the opiate of the people. Western society, on the verge of collapse, seeks to extend this opiate into every aspect of daily life.”
     In a radical break with the society around him, Harvey has sought out the gods of the East. “What is good enough for India,” says Harvey, “is good enough for Telegraph Avenue.” Asked to comment on the social use of Eastern religion, Harvey said, “Harekrishnaharekrishnakrishnakrishna- harehare...”

 

9. JACK GREENBACK
Hip Merchant, Telegraph Avenue
Born: 6/12/40  Ht: 6'1"  Wt: 160

Jack’s trip is providing people (our people) with the things they really need — like incense & roach clips & patchouli oil & posters & records & shades & water pipes & dyed undershirts & stuff like that.
     In order to serve the people (our people) better, Jack has opened up a little shop on “The Avenue.” It’s a hang-loose affair, where you can come in and get whatever you want, as long as you pay. All the employees are happy (since they deal with our people), so Jack only has to pay them a dollar an hour. All in all, says Jack, it’s groovy.

 

10. PETULIA (PETTY) BOUJOIE
Hip Craftswoman, Telegraph Avenue
Born: 6/12/48  Ht: 5'6"  Wt: 111

Petty’s thing is selling beads. She sits daily (and weekly) in front of Cody’s bookstore with her wares spread out in front of her. “It beats workin,” she says. “Besides, there’s nothin else ta do.”
     She is so good at her craft that a dime store owner recently offered her 50 cents each for them. But Petty rejected his offer. “In the first place,” she explained, “dime stores are too modern; they are part of this technological society which is ruled by machines which is badbadbad. In the second place, I can sell my beads on the street for a dollar each.”

 

Great Moments in the Void #11

CLEANING THE STOVE
Friday, June 12, 1970, Berkeley, California, 2:30 pm

The time had finally come. The stove was filthy. “The stove is filthy!” said mom (Wilma Dough). She decided to clean the stove. First she tried Tide X-K, using a sponge and steel wool. When that didn’t work, she tried SOS pads. After 30 agonizing minutes, she decided to make a radical break with tradition, and trudged off to the store. Two hours later she returned with a bottle of new E-Z-Off Oven Cleaner. Following the directions, she applied the E-Z-Off, waited, then wiped clean. She took a step back and looked at her clean stove.

 

Great Moments in the Void #12

WATCHING TELEVISION
June 12, 1970, Berkeley, California, 8:00 pm

After a hard day at work, after arguing over dinner, after reading the evening paper, after walking the dog, dad (John Dough) settled down to watch television.
     First he tried Channel 2. They were showing “What’s My Line?” Then he tried Channel 4. They were showing “Truth or Consequences.” Then Channel 5: “Hee Haw.” Then Channel 7: “The Courtship of Eddie’s Father.”
     Dad thought for awhile and said, “I guess it’ll be Truth or Consequences.”

 

Great Moments in the Void #13

THE TRAFFIC JAM
June 12, 1970, Nimitz Freeway, 8:25 am

Terrible traffic jam. Report from Lou Hurley in the HurleyBird over KCBS radio: “Traffic backed up for miles on the Nimitz, Dave, from Treasure Island to Gilman Avenue. South to 98th Avenue it’s bumper to bumper.”
     8:55 am: Traffic begins to clear up. Thousands of commuters continue on to work.
     Hundreds of commuters were questioned on how the traffic jam affected them. Many answered not at all. Others said they found traffic jams to be quite pleasurable. In the words of one motorist, “I like to have a lot of time stuck in between home and work. You know, so I can think.”

 

Great Moments in the Void #14

AT THE SUPERMARKET
June 12, 1970, Berkeley, California, 11:00 am

Wilma Dough went to the Lucky Store to go shopping. She selected a cart and strolled from aisle to aisle picking up what she needed. She got:

3 lbs hamburger
Oscar Meyer hot dogs, 2 lbs
11 oz jar, Heinz relish
9 oz jar, French’s mustard
paper towels (Viva double roll)
Wonder Bread
Handi Wrap
Coke, two 6-packs
Granny Goose potato chips
Miller High-Life
Cheez-its
Oreos
Cheerios, 14 oz box

She wheeled her cart up to the checkout stand, paid for the groceries, and started home.

 

Great Moments in the Void #15

IN THE CLASSROOM
May 12, 1970, Berkeley High School, 10:15 am

At 10:15 the bell rang. All of Mr. Schwartz’s students filed into class and sat down. Mr. Schwartz talked for 27 minutes about geography. Then he asked the class, “What is the capital of Vermont?” Thirteen people — about a third of the class — raised their hands. Mr. Schwartz turned sharply to Mary Smith, his prize student. “Yes, Mary...”
     “Montpelier?” she ventured, doubtfully.
     “Right, Mary!” said Mr. Schwartz. Mr. Schwartz continued to talk about geography. Mary beamed in her seat.

 

Great Moments in the Void #16

THE FAMILY OUTING
June 13, 1970, Berkeley-Albany, California, 12:00 noon

The Dough family had earned a day off. Dad was worn down from five empty, grinding days at the office. Mom was worn down from five equally boring days at home. The kids were bored with Mom & Dad, but they had to go along. So all of them (Dad, Mom, Dad Jr., Horace, Homer, Cleopatra, and Helen) got into the Ford Ranchwagon and headed for the park.
     First stop was McDonald’s Golden Arches (“It’s our kind of place,” quipped Dad), where they had 11 Big Macs, 7 fries, 2 filets-o-fish, 2 choc shakes, 5 cokes, and 5 hot apple pies. Next stop was 31 Flavors. There was a moment of agony for the family as they pondered their choices, but in the end there was ecstasy. They had Jamoca Almond Fudge, Vanilla, German Chocolate Cake, Caramel Cashew, Cream of Mushroom, Licorice, & Turd.